clakeklake

Rabbits as Pets: Research Before You Adopt

2012-02-01T12:53:00.001-06:00

Who's a widdle pwincess?

Anyone who is a friend of mine - either in the material world of Reality or in the more insubstantial environment of Twitter or Facebook - knows that I'm quite fond of rabbits. It really seems that a rabbit is my ideal pet. That having been said, I'm not gung-ho about encouraging rabbit ownership for everyone. It was informative to come across this article on someone's personal web site, demonstrating how someone can have a very different experience with rabbits if they aren't informed before choosing to adopt.

I went so far as to write an email to praise and support his article. It's sad to hear that what he wrote inspired such vicious hate mail from a small segment of the rabbit-loving population. I absolutely love my pet rabbit, but I nonetheless think this article serves an important purpose that I believe the less grouchy rabbit lovers of the world can get behind. That purpose is to dispel the idea (often encouraged by pet stores) that rabbits are an "easier" pet option. As his story shows, buying a rabbit is like buying a dog or a cat - it requires a lasting change of lifestyle. His pet store did him a disservice by downplaying the care of rabbits, as well as selling him a male/female pair and telling him they were two girls!

I think it's good that people making a pet decision who happen upon his article will be inspired to think twice and do further research before adopting a rabbit. They can be high maintenance and are very alien in their behaviors and needs when compared to a cat or dog. The "think twice" message of the article is a message that not enough people have impressed upon them when making this decision.

I'm glad to see that he did find a pet situation that worked better for his family. I hope he are very happy with his cats, and it's nice to hear he does have some fond memories of his bunnies despite the many unexpected surprises involved.

Now You Know

2012-01-24T09:20:00.003-06:00

The band Soundgarden was named after an actual place in Louisiana called the Sound Garden, where a fenced-in, oval, dirt track was maintained for half a century and used for barefoot races by the locals. Eventually, this tradition fell out of popularity, and with no money to maintain the surrounding fence and the wet weather it quickly oxidized. An attempt to revive the tradition for a charity race ended with them completely breaking their rusty Cajun run.

Flu Shot

2011-09-20T13:48:00.002-05:00

I should note that I got my flu shot last night. You should too! This is how we prevent epidemics.

Random Musing on Phil Collins

2011-01-27T13:34:00.002-06:00

Being on the younger end of the Generation X spectrum, I feel I'm expected to have a strong dislike for Phil Collins, and dismiss his music with a scathing sarcasm. But if you think about it you notice that his love songs sometimes have lyrical content that's unusually mature and complicated for popular music. The phrase "We've had our problems, but I'm on your side." popped into my head just now. This is the kind of think an adult in a long-term relationship wants to hear. "I love you" is great, but what will really put us at ease about a complicated relationship that's had some rough times is "I'm on your side."

I Just Got My Cosby Tickets

2010-08-12T09:44:00.004-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, I drove to Riverside Casino to buy two tickets to see Bill Cosby in October, saving about seven bucks by not paying the internet service fee. I am not a gambler, so it is already weird for me to be in a casino. Now make it a midwestern casino at three in the afternoon, and that adds up to some creepy feelings. As I walked past the security guards that watch the entrance to the casino floor, heading toward the gift shop to buy my tickets, it felt like the guards were staring at me. Probably they were, but only because there were precious few people for them to watch on a Wednesday afternoon. Still, there was that thought bouncing around in my head, "They know I don't gamble and they are going to kick my ass out."

Nonetheless, the gift shop lady was very friendly in selling me the tickets, and come October my wife and I get to see Bill Cosby live, which I never really expected to have the opportunity to do.

Below, enjoy the classic Cos routine "Buck Buck" from the album Revenge:

This includes one of my favorite Cosby lines to quote: "Now, I told you that story so I could tell you this one."

Randy the Cat in Traffic

2010-07-31T08:32:00.002-05:00

Look very closely at today's Randy the Cat comic and you might see someone getting stabbed through the face.

Back Into Blogging?

2010-07-26T13:20:00.002-05:00

As Facebook increasingly takes over the ways in which I use the web socially, I find that I'm missing the feeling of just writing an ordinary blog post. I've been cycling through a series of obsessive interests lately at breakneck speed, and I feel like I should be collecting my thoughts about these interests into bits of prose longer than a status update. I think this is an outlet I need or organize my thoughts. Also, this will prevent me from talking way too much about George Carlin to my spouse.

"I don't have hobbies. I have interests. Hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free." - Carlin

MST3K on Hulu

2010-03-01T08:36:00.001-06:00

It's true! They've put a handful of full Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes on Hulu:

Facebook and Twitter are busy taking a poop

2009-08-06T08:40:00.002-05:00

Who do I tell that I'm having chocolate cake for second breakfast?

2009-03-25T21:21:00.002-05:00

When boys hit puberty they have physiological changes to the larynx that cause deepening of the voice. The larynx gets bigger, stronger and longer, and until the brain accommodates for the physical changes the voice can crack and make unpredictable sounds.

While listening to a BBC radio show today I learned that female voices change also. The larynx enlarges, and until the brain compensates by accommodating the change with different epiglottis movements the voice sounds “breathy”. That is why some females in their teens and early twenties have a sexy, breathy sort of voice.

When I was in school I didn’t speak in class much because I was shy. When I did contribute in class discussions I was very nervous. One day in English class the teacher asked a question and no one would answer. I planned exactly what I would say, put up my hand, and answered the question. Immediately after I spoke the teacher talked about a girl she knew who had a high, breathy voice and no one took her seriously until she started talking like a normal person. I could have died. In front of all of my classmates she told me that I sounded ridiculous. It wasn’t until my junior year of college before I was able to raise my hand and speak in class without breaking into a sweat. For a decade now I have thought that I sounded stupid when I spoke. But now I know that it wasn’t my fault, it was my epiglottis adjusting to changes in my larynx. So there you go, Miss D. Not my fault.

English Candy Review: Nestlé Lion Bar

2009-03-13T10:37:00.002-05:00

The Lion bar came as part of our recent English Tea Store order, and is another strong competitor. At its center, the Lion bar contains a thick wafer, like that in a Kit Kat. This wafer is filled with tasty caramel, coated with a Rice-Crispies-like cereal and then covered in milk chocolate. It tastes about as you would expect from the description, by which I mean fantastic. There's a sort of rich undertone to the whole experience that I can't adequately describe: It's rather like coffee, or perhaps it is better to describe it as "toasty". I'm not even sure whether to attribute this element of the flavor to the caramel or to the other ingredients, but the overall effect is to give the bar a complexity that I like very much. I honestly wonder why the Lion hasn't made it into the American market, though I suppose our own candy shelves are rather saturated with a variety of colorful wrappers and crazy names as it is.

English Candy Review: Mars Delight

2009-03-13T10:33:00.004-05:00

The Mars Deligh t bar came to us as part of the Mars & Friends Mega Selection Box. Klake and I very much enjoyed the delight. At the center of the bar is a wafer, but instead of a stratified wafer as you might find in a Kit Kat or similar confection, the Delight includes a rippled wafer. The provides a fascinating texture. Surround this with chocolate and caramel cream and dip it in the sort of creamy milk chocolate British candy bars are famous for, and you have an excellent candy indeed!

From the Nile River Delta to the Sceptered Isle

2009-03-05T20:40:00.002-06:00

I recently received another free shipping coupon code (mar09) from the English Tea Store, and decided that my current tea selection needed a pleasant, herbal variety for those afternoons when I wish to keep the good tradition of afternoon tea, but don't wish to include caffeine on the menu. Having selected some Egyptian chamomile that I think I'll enjoy immensely, I set to choosing a variety of British chocolate bars, with the assistance of my charming help-mate: the darling Klake.
Klake is the one who discovered the "Mars & Friends" assortment in the clearance section. She also took the initiative to add some genuine, English marmalade to our lives. I hope this is as much fun as our previous adventure with various packets of flavored crisps.

Cultural Diversity Day

2009-02-23T11:06:00.003-06:00

We all went to an annual celebration of Cultural Diversity in the university's field house. Plake sat on my shoulders and watched Indian dancers. We walked around to see the foods and crafts at various booths. We snacked and snacked and snacked, enjoying a super-sugary, Asian donut; falafel on a pita; an oatmeal cookie; lemonade; and a tasty, raspberry, Czech pastry. Plake's friend and neighbor D. was also around, but they never got a chance to meet up and stare at each other, toddler-style.

The New Guy

2009-01-24T15:03:00.002-06:00

We are pleased to welcome Thomas Cat to the family.

We've made several visits to the animal shelter since the New Year, and this past Inauguration Day, the three of us drove down to pick up a new addition to our family: six-year-old Thomas the Cat.

This week also sees the return of Randy the Cat with the first comic strip drawn since being the owner of an actual fat-cat-indeed.

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-24T11:09:00.001-06:00

This is not actually holiday music, but perhaps that's all the better since xmas burnout has probably set in for many of you. Enjoy the sweet and brassy sounds of Brass Impact 2!

Brass Impact 2 - Warren Kime

Reprinted Without Permission

2008-11-07T23:02:00.001-06:00

St. Judy's Comet
Words & music by Paul Simon

Oo, little sleepy boy
Do you know what time it is?
Well the hour of your bedtime's long been past
And though I know you're fighting it
I can tell when you rub your eyes
You're fading fast, oh fading fast

Won't you run come see St. Judy's Comet
Roll across the skies
And leave a spray of diamonds in its wake
I long to see St. Judy's Comet
Sparkle in your eyes when you awake
Oh, when you wake, wake

Little boy
Won't you lay your body down
Little boy
Won't you close your weary eyes
Ain't nothing flashing but the fireflies

Well I sang it once and I sang it twice
I'm going to sing it three times more
I'm going to stay 'til your resistance
Is overcome
'Cause if I can't sing my boy to sleep
Well it makes your famous daddy look so dumb
look so dumb

Won't you run come see St. Judy's Comet
Roll across the skies
And leave a spray of diamonds in its wake
I long to see St. Judy's Comet
Sparkle in your eyes when you awake
Oh, when you wake, wake

Little boy, little boy
Won't you lay your body down
Little boy, little boy
Won't you close your weary eyes
Ain't nothing flashing but the fireflies

Oo, little sleepy boy
Do you know what time it is?
Well the hour of your bedtime's long been past
And though I know you're fighting it
I can tell when you rub your eyes
You're fading fast, oh fading fast

Driving Age

2008-10-17T11:12:00.006-05:00

At some point amidst the montage of loosely-related images and scenarios that generally make up my dreams, I found myself in my car. I was a passenger as my teenage son drove for what might have been the first time. He capably maneuvered into a parking space and I said "Good job" or some such fatherly words of approval.

Zing!

2008-09-10T10:44:00.003-05:00

This week in his column, Dan Savage tears into GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin . By "tears into", of course, I mean "states actual facts about her and explores real concerns about the ramifications of her policy stances". You know, the way that nasty Media Elite have been doing to poor Sarah since her poor introduction as the poor running mate on the poor GOP ticket poor:

But Sarah Palin doesn't believe that other girls should be able to make their own decisions. Sarah Palin believes abortion should be illegal in almost every instance—including rape and incest. So Bristol Palin is being celebrated for making a choice that Sarah Palin would like to take away from all other American women. Apparently, today's GOP believes that choice is a special right reserved for the wayward daughters of Republican elected officials.

Oh, and Sarah Palin also believes that birth control shouldn't be made available to teenagers, she opposes medically accurate sex education, and she backs abstinence-until-marriage sex "education."

Sigh.

The GOP has poured hundreds of millions of dollars into abstinence "education" programs during the Bush years. I believe this enormous investment of public funds raises the obvious question: Is our children abstaining? Sarah Palin's aren't. Despite this massive outlay on the part of the American taxpayer and the example set by her Christian parents, Bristol Palin became sexually active while still in high school. Excuse me, but if abstinence education can't keep the daughter of the evangelical governor of Alaska off the cock, what hope is there for the daughters—and some of the sons—of average Americans?

I'm a cad for even writing this, of course, because shortly before Bristol and Levi were paraded before cheering throngs at the Republican National Convention, the Palins asked the media to respect their daughter's privacy.

He dedicates the entire second half of his column to Palin - and that's just to cover her problematic stances on family and sexuality issues. This doesn't even touch upon the embarassing truth about that "Bridge to Nowhere" pork money, nor the fact that being a novice governor in a state that is geographically near to Russia does not make her a foreign policy expert.

Mystery Internet Science Lab 4000

2008-09-10T08:59:00.001-05:00

Caption this picture:

High Tension Wires

2008-07-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

This week's Randy the Cat may provide you with some helpful information re: Godzilla.

George Carlin is dead at 71

2008-06-23T08:03:00.003-05:00

So you might as well relive some of his more vulgar moments on Wikiquote.

Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say "I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandmother". He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old.

13 months old. . .

2008-06-20T19:55:00.001-05:00

. . . and crabby as hell. My sweet little boy.

Empirical Standards

2008-05-28T11:46:00.002-05:00

The official winner of Best English-language Sentence on the Internet for this week goes to, "By empirical standards, if gay sex is deviant, so is chastity of the mouth." Thank you, William Saletan of Slate.com, for contributing "chastity of the mouth" to that pool of phrases which I'll remember for the rest of my life.

The Japanese Office

2008-05-27T20:11:00.002-05:00

Most of the people I know who read this are fans of The Office (America) and some are also quite smitten with The Office (Britain). The final episode of SNL for the season featured Ricky Gervais introducing Steve Carell in the original Japanese version that inspired them both:

Post Toasties

2008-05-25T16:10:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted to The Clever Dad in a terribly long time. Meanwhile, this week I was unable to put up a new Randy the Cat, so I think I'll end up skipping a week. Oddly, this weekend brings a new post to the almost wholly abandoned blog, UFO Clearinghouse. What strange phenomena could bring about such an event?

Classic English Novels

2008-05-10T08:33:00.002-05:00

... and while the pixels are still drying from the late post of last week's comic, we see another new Randy the Cat. This one comes from our Classic Adaptations series.

Alternative Timelines

2008-05-09T08:14:00.002-05:00

Last week's Randy the Cat has posted a miraculous six days late. This is the epilogue to Adventures in Space, but rest assured there are more Adventures in Space to come. Just like with Twin Peaks, Lost and Newhart, all loose ends will be tied up in a satisfactory way.

EMAIL B Y GOD'S OWN GRACE

2008-05-01T09:58:00.002-05:00

I just got this mess of a spam email in my work inbox. I couldn't even read all the way through it, yet I feel the need to post it here for all to see:

HELLO MY DEAR ,

I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT THIS MAIL MUST GET AT YOU BY GOD'S GRACE, AS I DO NOT KNOW YOU IN PERSON

AND NOT QUITE SURE OF YOUR CURRENT TEL/FAX NUMBER FOR ME TO BE SURE, BUT I KNOW HOW I MANAGE TO

GET THIS MAIL ADDRESS WHICH I USED TO COMMUNICATE YOU.

HOWEVER, I AM SISTER MRS. JOYCE EZE A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN, LEADER OF THE CENTER FOR ALL WORKERS

ASSEMBLY GOSPEL AND WORKING WITH THE NATIONS APEX BANK; ACCOUNTING UNIT/TELEX DEPARTMENT CENTRAL

BANK OF NIGERIA .

MY AIM OF WRITING IS NOT TO KNOW YOU AS I HAVE NO INTEREST OF KNOWING YOU AND WOULD NOT LIKE TO

KNOW YOU UNLESS IF NEEDS BE. BUT I AM TELLING YOU THIS BASED ON MY BELIEVE AS A CHRISTIAN WHO

DOES NOT LIKE EVIL Of CHEATING AND WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE CALLED FOR EXPLANATION AS A RESULT OF

THIS INFORMATION I AM GIVING TO YOU . BUT I AM TELLING YOU THIS BASE ON MY BELIEVE AS A CHRISTIAN

WHO DOES NOT LIKE EVIL OR CHEATING AND WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE CALLED FOR EXPLANATION AS A RESULT OF

THIS INFORMATION I AM GIVING TO YOU BELOW. AS A CHRISTIAN, I BELIEVE THAT ANYMAN/WOMAN IS
MY BROTHER/SISTER ACCORDING TO MY BELIEVE AS A CHRISTIAN IRRESPECTIVE OF WHERE YOU MUST HAVE COME

FROM OR WORSHIP BECAUSE ALL OF US ARE ONE IN ONE LORD. THIS INFORMATION IS AS REGARDS TO YOUR

PAYMENT IN NIGERIA.

NOW AS I AM CONTACTING YOU, PAYMENTS ARE GOING ON TO THOSE THAT ARE AWARE OF THIS INFORMATION

BECAUSE THISINFORMATION WAS NOT GAZZETED TO THE PUBLIC AWARENESS.THESE EXERCISES HAVE STARTED FOR
SOMETIME NOW BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF PRANKS SOME CORRUPT OFFICIALS IN THE CENTRAL BANK THAT

DIVERTED YOUR FUNDS TO A BANK IN SWITZERLAND . FROM THE INFORMATION,THE SECRETARY OF PROBE PANEL

AND VERIFICATION ON CONTRACT AND NEXT OF KIN MATTERS, THAT THE CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE AND
SOME OTHER OFFICIALS SUMMED UP WITH TO DIVERT YOUR FUNDS.

THIS INFORMATION AS A RESULT OF MY RECENT DEPARTMENTAL RESEARCH AND I CALLED THEN TO QUESTION BUT

THEY TRIED TO BRIBE ME,BUT I REFUSED BECAUSE I AM A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN. I HAVE TO INFORM YOU

THAT YOUR! FUNDS INTEREST AT A TUNE OF USD$22.3MILLION WAS TRANSFERRED INTO A SWISS ACCOUNT

PROVIDED BY A FAKE LAWYER PORTRAYEDHIMSELF TO BE YOUR LAWYER.I MUST INFORM YOU THAT THE

OFFICERSINVOLVED ARE ALWAYS IN COMMUNICATION WITH YOU, SO YOU SHOULD STOP TALKING WITH THEM
AND DO NOT TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE TRANSFER SINCE WE HAVE AN EVIDENCE AT

HAND,HEREBYADVISED YOU TO CONTACT THE AUTHORIZED C.B.N SECURITY AND FINANCE COMPANY IN TEMA GHANA

WHOM ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR PAYMENT AND THE APPROVED LAWYER ATTACHED TO THE SECURITY AND FINANCE
COMPANY IN THE NAME OF MR.CLEMENT OBED AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HIM AS YOUR FILE WAS SENT TO HIM

ON THE 4TH APRIL 2007 AND WHEN CONTACTING THE LAWYER QUOTE YOUR FILE REFERENCE NUMBER A010-2007

HE IS THE FINAL STONE THAT BREAKS THE CAMELS BACK.

MY ADVICE TO YOU BASED ON THIS INFORMATION IS THAT YOU SHOULD BOLDLY CALL MR. CLEMENT OBED THE

LAWYER AT THE SECURITY AND FINANCE COMPANY ON HIS DIRECT EMAIL TELEPHONE NUMBER .HE IS THE PERSON

IN CHARGE OF ALL THE LEGAL CLEARANCES FOR THIS ON-GOING PAYMENT EXERCISE AND ASK HIM
THATTHE SHOULD HELP YOU IN MAKING SURE YOUR FUND IS PAID TO IMMEDIATELY AND DO THE CHANGES TO

MOVE YOUR FUNDS TO YOUR ORIGINAL ACCOUNT AND FOLLOW HIS DIRECTIVES.

HE MIGHT WANT TO KNOW HOW COME YOU GOT HIS DIRECT EMAIL, YOU CAN TELL HIM ANYTHING (PLEASE, DONÃ

QUOTE ME) BUT INSIST THAT HE SHOULD HELP YOU IN MAKING SURE YOUR PAYMENT IS DONE, AND FOR MORE

CLARIFICATION OR TO ENSURE HIM THAT YOU REALLY KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE SAYING QUOTE THE
FOLLOWING CODE NO: FGN/PMG/CBN-X342XTW2004 UNDER CATEGORY'C' I.E. YOUR CODE (PLEASE THIS

INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED).

I BELIEVE THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY, HE WILL ASK YOU TO FORWARD YOUR PAYMENT INFORMATION AND

BANK CO-ORDINATES TO HIM FOR HIS PROCESSES AS HE WILL DIRECT YOU PROPERLY ON HOW TO FOLLOW UP FOR

YOUR FUND TO BE MADE TO YOU WITHOUT FURTHER STRESS. IF YOU CONTACT HIM I WILL KNOW BECAUSE
HE MUST CONTACT MY OFFICE FOR YOUR INFORMATION RE-CONFIRMATION RECORDS. SO GO AHEAD AND CALL HIM

NOW AND DON'TBE AFRAID OF HIM OR ANYBODY AS YOU ARE BLESSED, ANY PERSON APART FROM HIM IS

DEFINITELY A FRAUD.

REMAIN BLESSED IN THE LORD.

YOURS SINCERELY,

MRS. JOYCE EZE

Is this one spam email, or a freight train crashing into a room full of spammers?

Inappropriate

2008-04-27T10:38:00.001-05:00

In this week's Randy the Cat strip, a hedgehog says something crass and gets called on it.

Completed

2008-04-23T10:13:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel like not enough is getting done? A quick Google Image Search for the term "checkmark" should do the trick:
Suddenly, everything seems much more affirmative and decisive, yes?

Fairy Cakes and Earl Grey

2008-04-18T15:05:00.001-05:00

This week's Randy the Cat installment finds Randy enjoying a pleasant outing in London, England.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am very tired and my son just fell asleep. I sense a golden opportunity to collapse into bed!

Burma Shave

2008-04-05T11:07:00.002-05:00

Randy the Cat took an unscheduled week off, but is back this weekend with a comic strip about a barber shop.

Otherwise notable:

We finally got our baby into half-time daycare, beginning June 2nd.
The weather is lovely today. So begins the time of year when we cease cursing the jaunty tilt of Earth's axis and instead give it high praise!
The baby loves to walk around holding your hands. Sometimes, he takes a step or two completely unaided (as he did this morning, toward his wonderful mommy).
Klake and I will be trying to attend a University of Iowa baseball game today. Here's hoping we make this happen. I'm not a big fan of baseball but it's a free, outdoor activity, and I already know how scoring is kept, so it's possible to follow along.
This eight-minute Doctor Who episode, made for the sake of charity using the actual actors, shows what would happen if the Peter Davison Doctor (#5) were to meet the David Tennant Doctor (#10). They do this kind of thing because fans go absolutely bonkers for it. I can think of other shows that would benefit from this treatment. I'd like to see a charity mini-episode of House wherein the eponymous diagnostician treats Bertie Wooster, also portrayed by Hugh Laurie.
"The Alternative Factor" is the worst episode of Star Trek I have ever seen.
I just don't bother reading news on April Fool's Day. If you are ever a reporter or blogger who finds him or herself trying to cook up a big, juicy April Fool's gag, you should stop and think about how doing so would make you a douchebag.
You may have noticed that Clever Dad is going strong, while UFO Clearinghouse has withered on the vine. I got really bored with UFOs. It's like starting a blog documenting every time someone sees the virgin Mary on a piece of toast. Meanwhile, Clever Dad continues to be good fun to write.

The Talons

2008-03-26T20:38:00.003-05:00

Klake and I have rejoined Netflix in order to catch up on seasons two and three of the new Doctor Who series. (Yes, I've managed to get my wife interested in something this geeky - but only the new ones. She won't touch classic Who with a twelve foot pole.) Doctor Who is one of those things for which you put up with frequent disappointment, because when it's really good the payoff is amazing. A while back I noted on Facebook how wonderful an episode "The Girl in the Fireplace" is. Since then, we've seen "Rise of the Cybermen" and "The Age of Steel" (both are just "okay"), "Impossible Planet" and "The Satan Pit" (interesting, with neat special effects, but pretty much just copies a jumble of stuff from H.P. Lovecraft, the Alien movies, and Event Horizon) and then finally "Love and Monsters" (Imagine those occasional X-Files episodes where they cast aside the entire tone of the series to do something quirky and funny. This started out with some promise, but went downhill quickly. You could forgive the fact that the Doctor is barely in this episode, if it weren't for the fact that everything that happens is insultingly stupid. If you put writer Russell T. Davies anywhere within 500 meters of a fart joke, the dude will run for it at full speed).

A side-effect of returning to Netflix is once again having access to the numerous classic Doctor Who episodes they have available streaming right on the website. I took the opportunity this past weekend to view "The Talons of Weng-Chiang" and it was exactly what I needed after watching several hours of mediocre Who. Talons is a very well-loved classic episode and for good reason. The writing is good, the tone is spooky, the victorian setting is nicely realized, and Tom Baker is absolutely on top of his game in his portrayal of the Doctor. The villian is an evil, evil man posing as the Chinese god Weng-Chiang, who sends his minions out into the streets of London to vanish innocent, young girls into his wicked lair. Among his minions is the "Peking Homunculus", which looks like a creepy-ass ventriloquist's dummy in traditional Chinese dress, but is in fact something even weirder.

Of course, in the end the Doctor and his cohorts defeat the bad guy and all is well. While surveying the aftermath in Weng-Chiang's now silent lair, they hear distant shouting. Not to worry, it's merely the call of the muffin man! The Doctor buys everyone muffins. As if this episode weren't great enough, it ends with mention of the English muffin: one of the greatest things ever done with the concept of bread since its invention. They are just so great.

The threshold of the symbolic

2008-03-07T14:11:00.002-06:00

A week or so ago, little Plake insisted on typing something on our laptop. We opened up Microsoft Word and gave him free reign with the keyboard. The results are enjoyable, if a bit avant-garde:

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dp8bjfg_13fqx86dw8

I'm so proud!

Personality Types

2008-02-23T11:05:00.002-06:00

El-ka blog recently posted a link to a Myers-Briggs personality type quiz referenced in a Slate article about the personality types of the presidential candidates. I have taken this quiz before, but I forgot what type I am and was bored at work so I went ahead and answered the 64 questions that sort you into your introvert/extrovert intuitive/sensing thinking/feeling judging/perceiving type. I am an INTJ, which is often called the mastermind or scientist.

As I read through descriptions of my type, such as this, or this, I felt that it was quite accurate, and the INTJ type is a pretty close description of how I relate to the world. INTJs like to consider all possibilities when solving a problem, and are quite willing to adopt an unconventional solution if they have decided it is the best answer. Although INTJs love problem solving, they often have trouble expressing their ideas, which they cling to tenaciously once they have declared them superior. INTJs have problems grasping social rituals, and think that people should make sense. This combination of independence and analytical thinking could be extremely annoying, but most INTJs are pretty protective of their thoughts and are unlikely to share their opinions with others so no one knows their true snobbish thoughts. I don't think this is a very flattering description of me, but some aspects of this description fit quite well with how I think and interact with the world.

Seeing the way I deal with problems and interact with people made me realize something. As some of you may know, I still am very disappointed with my wedding. It did not turn out at all how I wanted, planning it greatly strained my relationship with my mother, and for 5 years now I have been thinking of it as the biggest failure of my life. I suppose this may sound melodramatic and people tell me that it was lovely, but I can't help but think of it as a disaster.

Reading about my personality type makes me realize that there is no way I could have collaboratively planned such a complicated, socially significant event with my mom and been satisfied with the result. My stubbornness, defiance of convention, and inability to communicate my ideas simply made planning with another person impossible. Add to that my natural frugality and the difficulty of planning an event 90 miles from where you live while in college and you have doomed failure. This may sound like a pessimistic conclusion, but I feel quite freed. For the first time in years I feel like the failure of my wedding is not my fault. Well, I suppose blaming my personality rather than blaming myself is rather a cop-out. But I feel better knowing why the planning failed.

Which makes me think, with the mountain of wedding books on the market (there are 10 linear feet of them at the IC public library, and I seriously read all of them while wedding planning – which screams INTJ) there should be one that assesses personality type and gives wedding planning advice based on the result. Mine would read something like this:

INTJ
Elope. Seriously. The inefficiency and foolishness of traditional weddings will drive you mad. You will develop all kinds of unconventional ideas that will make your mother gasp in horror. Planning a wedding will consume all of your thoughts until you walk down the aisle, as you try to find the absolute perfect solution to each problem. Save yourself the headache and strained relationships and book a cruise to a cute little island somewhere to tie the knot on a beach. You will be much happier making travel arrangements than researching every last possibility for wedding favors. And don't forget to tell your sweetie you love him. You really should do that more.

Presented in Blogoscope

2008-02-22T21:37:00.002-06:00

Today's Randy the Cat comic strip is about baptism.

Also of note: I've been keeping this under wraps for a while, but have decided I can go ahead and reveal that I'm writing two additional blogs. Say hello to The Clever Dad and UFO Clearinghouse. They've only been going for about a week and a half. The intention is that I will post to each blog every weekday. Both were started on something of a whim, so we'll see where they go as far as intention, editorial tone, goals, and success.

The Clever Dad is an attempt to document interesting ideas, fun projects, and money-saving tips I amass in my adventure as a half-time stay-at-home dad.

UFO Clearinghouse could be said to have started on a more whimish whim than the dad blog. I was thinking about how easy it might be to put up a new picture of a UFO every day and see what comes of it. So I went ahead and did it. Now that it lives, this blog is having to deal with some existential questions, such as why it exists at all. Realizing almost immediately that it wasn't enough to post the latest UFO sighting five times a week, I'm finding that I need to develop an attitude toward these stories and address how they fit into my overall worldview. This leads to what I think may be the most interesting part of the blog, interspersed between the stories of flakey nutters are stories of hard science about the origins of life and the vastness of the universe. So I guess the goal is to present weird UFO stories from a skeptical, humorous perspective, while using them to bring up the far more amazing truths emerging from scientific study of the natural world.

I will continue to update Randy the Cat weekly, as I cannot imagine a world in which I do not draw Randy the Cat.

Dots and Loops

2008-02-14T15:52:00.002-06:00

Randy the Cat has been continuing to update regularly for quite a while. I'm proud of the accomplishment, and I hope it continues. The strip for the coming weekend is already online, and can be viewed via this linky thing.

Okay, other blogging has been lax - I'll admit that. I certainly don't plan to abandon this space, and have every intention of keeping my friends updated.

In the meantime, I suppose I could show you this Valentine's Day card Plake and I made for Klake:

Two Comic Strips

2008-02-05T20:28:00.000-06:00

Randy the Cat returns to his roots in this strip. More recently, Nigel is upset about false advertising and DRM.

As a bonus, enjoy this installment of a comic strip that Aeryk brought to my attention: My Naked Dad.

News, information and a hot stack of flapjacks!

2008-01-22T15:01:00.000-06:00

Here's a roundup of the latest news from the home of Clake, Klake, Plake, and Penelope Rabbit:

Local HyVee starting to blow noticably harder
The HyVee supermarket in Coralville has always been a less-than-stellar manifestation of this quality franchise. It's a little dirtier than other HyVees. It's laid out in a rather inefficient way. The system of managing carts leaves much to be desired. Yesterday, when Klake and I stopped by on our day off to pick up a couple of staple food items, we emerged from the bitter cold wind into the store only to be greeted by a table blocking the already too-narrow entrance area. At this table were several volunteers from a local food bank. Standing next to this table was a man whose duty it was to step out into the flow of traffic and annoy passers-by. When he confronted me with unsolicited information about his food drive, I opted to make no eye contact and walk briskly by, since this is the polite alternative to screaming "Fuck you!" at a stranger.

Ray Smuckles has recently taken on the role of acting Mayor of Achewood, and has proposed some measures to address this issue.

Following the initial grueling experience in extreme annoyance that accompanied simply walking into the store, we were immediately aware that the store had seen fit to install flatscreen TVs hanging above the aisles in various locations. So instead of shopping in peace we now get to enjoy a bunch of yammering from a television screen as we go about our business. Thank you, HyVee. This is was my shopping experience was missing: constant chatter and needless visual clutter!

HyVee is supposed to be a cut above other stores. You're supposed to walk in and immediately feel special just for being there. You don't mind the higher prices on certain items because the overall experience is geared much more toward preserving the sanity of human beings. At this particular store, though, you find yourself thinking you might as well try your luck at Super Walmart. At least there the prices are low, even though the atmosphere is psychologically toxic and the lines are impossibly long.

On a related note, I made another trip to the Mormon Trek Blvd Fareway store this afternoon for fruit, milk, and a few other things. I continue to be happy with Fareway. The selection isn't always so great, but the prices are very competitve, and they match other stores' ads.

Big date yesterday
Being the primary caregivers of an infant and dealing with the boredom of another Iowa winter, Klake and I decided to use yesterday's day off as a break. Plake's daycare was still open, so we dropped him off and then proceeded to have a nice lunch and a restful afternoon. Despite the HyVee fiasco, it was quite a success. Kim got a chance to get a bit artistic, while I hauled out the old N64 and kicked around a bit more with good, ol' Mario. I'm finally at 50 stars, and I had a hell of a good time getting there. I was off in an ice world doing some mad shredding on a turtle shell. Gnarley.

Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper
My verdict: kinda weird tasting. It isn't unpleasant, but I think I have much more of a tolerance for the weirdness of artificial vanilla flavor (much more common) than artificial chocolate flavor (tastes like a scratch and sniff sticker).

Coast to Coast AM
I've finally bothered to figure out the timer record function on the cassette deck of my stereo (haven't had much use for it). I'm using this new super power to occasionally catch a bit of Coast to Coast AM, which is an overnight radio show that my high school/college curiosity about aliens and the occult drew me to. Guests are various alien, ghost, conspiracy or paranormal types. (Ian Punnett, the Sunday night host, teased ahead to a guest with the phrase "He's a wizard, and he knows what he's talking about!") Callers are often people who've seen ghosts, aliens or bigfoots, been possessed, been cursed by a ouija board, etc. or feel they need to weigh in on such topics. I'm a very different person that I was in high school - I am skeptical as hell about all of this stuff now - but it still entertains.

As an example: one recurring guest of the show has been a man who claims to have found a bottomless hole on his property. You can listen to this guy talk to Art Bell about throwing shit down this hole at this website, where someone has archive a couple of entire Mel's Hole episodes. Also, see this installment of the comic strip Overcompensating, which pretty much describes what we're talking about here.

I am tired of winter
Just get warm again, okay?

Browsing

2008-01-13T10:30:00.000-06:00

In this week's Randy the Cat, the Wizard looks at something and its owner is displeased.

Ur-House

2008-01-09T09:33:00.000-06:00

Wondering whether House, MD was due to return to new episodes sometime soon, I checked the Fox website yesterday to find that they are rerunning pilots of some of their series this week, including dear old House. So last night, Klake and I tuned in to the pilot episode of the show. It was a lot of fun to see the introduction of the characters and themes of the series, as well as the differences in production from the later series as we know it. The pilot uses completely different sets that the subsequent series, which makes a lot of sense, as when you're filming a pilot you don't have a lot of cash for building huge, pretty sets. The music is different in an almost imperceptible way, as well as the cinematography, making it look a lot more like an independent film. This effect isn't better or worse than the later episodes, just different - and I very much enjoyed seeing something different.

Character-development-wise, Dr. House starts out even more lazy and grumpy that he is later on. It seems that his injury has caused him to sink into a self-pitying funk which causes him to barely do anything at all at work. The hospital is keeping him on entirely because of his reputation as a diagnostician, hoping that eventually they'll be able to motivate him to, like, actually do work again. Here we see the first instance of Cutty forcing House to make up lost clinic time, introducing the now-familiar motif of House instantly diagnosing people based on remarkably few symptoms and expressing his disdain for their ignorance. It was really nice to see that, as this season hasn't had much of House in clinic. (I think this is good, as it gives room for other plot elements to breathe, and will make it even more fun when we do finally see House in clinic again, which we certainly will.)

Dr. Wilson, ever the Dr. Watson to House's Sherlock Holmes, manages to entice House out of his self-absorbed uselessness and into self-absorbed usefulness with the intriguing case of a woman who spoke gibberish and passed out, but whose symptoms do not agree with stroke/tumor/other usual suspects. And the game is afoot!

Bachelor Meal

2008-01-06T10:29:00.000-06:00

In early December of 2007, a snowstorm delayed Klake's bus and Plake and I had to eat dinner without her. Below is a photo of the sort of meal a man prepares for himself in the absence of a lady:

That's a tinned kipper, cottage cheese, and a piece of toast.

Hops Hijinks

2008-01-06T09:10:00.000-06:00

Klake's cousin and our good friend Philthy was involved in a process of rating each pub in the Iowa City area and attempting to find the very best. This journey has been documented in the blog Malt Madness. I only now, with him moving away to start a job in State Capital City, realize it would be a cool idea to link to this endeavour.

Also added to the list of friendly blog today, we have Adventures with Bret and Claudia. I haven't given this a very thorough read yet, but even just the thumbnail pictures on the front page are gorgeous and leave no doubt that very nifty adventures are happening. Bret and Claudia live in England!

Randy the Cat: 2008

2008-01-05T09:59:00.001-06:00

More vaudeville cuckoos this week...

Videos of Plake

2008-01-02T20:29:00.000-06:00

Applesauce

Peachsauce

Laughing

Cuckoo

2007-12-30T08:41:00.000-06:00

This week, Randy the Cat introduces comic duo "The Vaudeville Cuckoos".

How was your X-mas?

2007-12-25T19:08:00.000-06:00

Plake got a train!

. . . and fell asleep with his shirt in his mouth

Entirely Unnecessary Level of Force

2007-12-21T09:18:00.000-06:00

This week's Randy the Cat is about an impolite way to use electricity.

Napalm in the afternoon, napalm at bedtime

2007-12-14T18:04:00.001-06:00

Today's Randy the Cat is taken directly from a movie I haven't gotten around to seeing yet.

Bests of 2007

2007-12-14T12:21:00.000-06:00

Best lesson learned: I am capable of anything.
Best musical artist discovered: N/A
Best new friend: PLake
Best new food discovered: Uncle Sam cereal sprinkled on bran flakes
Best risk taken: Parenthood
Best accomplishment: Breastfeeding for 7+ months
Best TV show: The Office
Best adventure: Parenthood
Best addition to my wardrobe: The awesome black leather modern Chuck Taylors Chris gave me for my b-day

Bests of 2007

2007-12-14T11:37:00.000-06:00

Best lesson learned: Moderation in all things
Best musical artist discovered: Let me tell you about a little band called Bull Dyke Rodeo...
Best new friend: Peter Lake
Best new food discovered: A kind of steak made with Southern Comfort and fire
Best risk taken: Switching to half-time employment to spend more time with my son
Best accomplishment: I built a workbench, my wife grew a baby.
Best TV show: The episode of Star Trek where Spock punches a woman several times in the face. He knows that, in fact, the woman is a space-monster in disguise, so this is actually not an ungentlemanly thing to do.
Best adventure: My wife giving birth to our baby. Some good stories came out of that.
Best addition to my wardrobe: A red, wool sweater I bought last January at Express. It was on clearance and it was a steal.

RTC 9.0 with Netcellorator!

2007-12-08T18:34:00.000-06:00

This week's Randy the Cat is about beauty and truth.

Cream Filling

2007-12-01T14:36:00.000-06:00

In this week's all-new Randy the Cat, the Wizard enjoys a snack. He has chosen to enjoy this moment with the innocence of a nature boy, raised by sparrows, romping in the woods among the squirrels.

Applesauce?

2007-11-27T22:31:00.000-06:00

Good one

2007-11-22T20:01:00.001-06:00

Randy the Cat posts early this weekend, because it is a time of holiday fare and travel. Great. Nice move. Genius

Plake's Day

2007-11-10T18:58:00.000-06:00

Joked around in his dino jammies

Jumped his pants off

Played with the jingly ball (note-- Blogger videos never work, but I'm tired of fiddling with them so I'm just posting the damn broken boxes)

Put on the bunny suit for a walk to the mailbox

Chewed a good book before bed

sometimes even sick babies sleep

2007-11-08T20:12:00.001-06:00

Goodbye, October. I barely remember you.

2007-10-27T11:17:00.000-05:00

Hello, everyone! It has indeed been a while since any significant information has been conveyed in this space. It's high time I did something about that. Here's what's going on in our lives:

I started a new job two weeks ago. I've been working at it full-time, though starting next Thursday it switches permanently over to half-time. The other half of the time I'll be a stay-at-home dad, though I'm hoping the stay-at-home bit won't apply every day and I'll be able to plan some education and fun outings for the lad Plake.

This is a very exciting time, but if you've known me for a while, you might be aware of the fact that big changes make me very nervous for a time. There's usually a transitional period wherein I sleep fitfully, feel a bit out of place, and suffer from occasional bouts of depression. This is the second time I've changed jobs in 2007, and both body and mind protested quite a bit to this shakeup. There's that period when you start a job where every bit of information is completely new to you and you don't have enough of the puzzle in your head to really fit it all together, and I really hate that.

I've been getting positive feedback, though. So despite the fact that I've been having my customary new job feelings of "am I at all right for this position?" and "did I make a horrible mistake?" I seem to be getting along quite well.

New job nerves temporarily blinded me to the fact that good things are happening for the crew of Clake, Klake, Plake, and rabbit. Once this half-time thing starts, it's really going to make the management of the household run more smoothly, since a load of laundry, some vacuuming, or a quick trip to the grocery store will be possible in the afternoon. Also, additional time with my baby will be priceless. It's important to me that I'm able to manage this time so that it isn't just me seeing the baby more, but Klake as well, and also that the quality of our time together with the baby becomes even greater. With that in mind, the little guy and I will be making plans to have occasional lunches with his mum at work, and keeping on top of housework so that the evenings feel less busy and short.

It's Saturday morning, and I'm very happy to have already made a venture outside the house. David Bowie's Heathen CD and I headed off to Wal-mart to pick up some family staples, including fruit, milk, diet coke and a billion boxes of high-fiber cereal. I've always avoided Wal-mart when possible, but recent experiences have revealed to me that they really are cheaper when it comes to certain items, and cereal is one of those. But even though it's cheaper, one really cannot do all of one's shopping at Wal-mart, especially if one has a child. Wal-mart is like an amusement park organized around the themes of sadness and poverty. For those times when we need to do some shopping as a family, you can't beat the atmosphere and convenience of the local Hy-Vee.

It occurs to me that we've taken hundreds of pics of the baby, but lately have not been taking any sort of decent pics of the rabbit. I guess from a practical point of view, the baby is changing rapidly from week to week, while the rabbit remains (thankfully) in about the same condition at all times. (I noted to Klake recently that Penelope really hasn't had anything of concern going on in her life, and it makes me very happy that she's enjoying good health.) But just because you have a baby doesn't make your rabbit any less a member of the family. I've been continuing to give her some time outside her cage to run around every day. I should snap a few photos of the fuzzy, little gal.

Another note about rabbits and babies: I will occasionally seek out pictures of rabbits that I have no social connection to, but I don't really give a damn about pictures of stranger's babies. A baby has to be either mine, or belong to someone I know, in order to have a chance at being considered cute. Does this indicate that rabbits are objectively cuter than human babies? I think the waters will always be murky around this issue, because babies can giggle and rabbits cannot. This makes them difficult to compare.

And speaking again of the rabbit, Klake and I now need to take measures to eliminate the hay and errant turds that work there way outside of Penny's cage. This is going to be difficult, but necessary since Plake probably won't be long in learning to crawl. If anyone has any ideas, please send them our way. Here's the major item of difficulty: the cage, due to the architecture of our home, has to be in an area of the house where Plake has free access to. We can't just gate him off from the rabbit cage.

I suppose I could continue writing forever to get you all up-to-date on my life. I feel I haven't been in contact with friends enough lately, and I hope that settling into this new job and the events of the upcoming holiday season will allow us time together with friends for chatting and good times.

All the very best,
Clake

Plake can smile like the Mona Lisa

2007-10-20T15:12:00.000-05:00

Scarecrow

2007-10-12T21:04:00.000-05:00

This week's Randy the Cat takes place in a magic land of fantasy.

Catch the Adventure

2007-10-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

This week's Randy the Cat is based on the fact that theatrical flop Hudson Hawk is actually quite an enjoyable film. The bit where Randy flies through a city, dangerously dangling from a helicopter, is from a different film from about the same time. Do you know which one?

Birthdays!!!!

2007-10-03T21:48:00.001-05:00

My cake: "nilla wafers and chocolate frosting"

My brother's cake: "under construction"

Clake's cake: "Dinosaur comics panel #3"

The party!

Bonus picture: Plake finds his feet

20 weeks

2007-09-30T20:45:00.001-05:00

Plake is 20 weeks old, which means his mom sat him down for a big old pile of pictures. If you would care to see the results check out clakeklake.shutterfly.com

Songs of Innocence

2007-09-28T07:49:00.000-05:00

In this week's Randy the Cat comic, we join Nigel and Randy on another trip to the store that sells T-shirts.

Speaking of T-shirts, here's a picture of little Plake sporting a Randy the Cat onesie. This is very likely the only RTC onesie in existance.

Rookie Card

2007-09-25T14:17:00.000-05:00

Oktoberfest in September

2007-09-23T09:05:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was the Iowa City Brew Fest, which Klake, Plake and I attended. Attendees are given a four-ounce tasting glass and tickets for free samples of beers from around the globe. Here are the results:

Clake:

Golden Draak (Van Steenberge, Brouwerij, Belgium) - Old-time Flemish pirates used to get wasted on this stuff out at sea. Then they would raid British ships and steal every packet of crisps. A bit sweet, sort of bitter, very strong (over 10% alc by volume).
Cherish Raspberry (Van Steenberge, Brouwerij, Belgium) - One of those really sweet lambics. The ladies dig it (see Klake below).
Tomas Watkins OSB (Tomas Watkin, Britain) - I like a bitter beer, from time to time.
Chocolate Stout (Fort Collins Brewing, Colorado) - I was hoping to find Youngs & Co.'s Double Chocolate Stout, but I couldn't locate their booth at the fest. This is an okay substitute, but I do find myself wondering about the Youngs.
Black Jack Porter (Left Hand, Colorado) - Porter is a very tasty sort of beer. This is a porter, therefore it is very tasty. The color is almost completely black.
Fat Tire Amber (New Belgium Brewing, Colorado) - My first taste of the day. An enjoyable start, and I got a free bottle opener!

Klake:

Cherish Raspberry (Van Steenberge, Brouwerij, Belgium) - So tasty and sweet, she had two
Cwrw Hâf (Tomas Watkin, Britain) Tasted like beer
Black Dog Raspberry Wheat (Flying Dog, Colorado) Tasted like beer
Deep Cover Brown (Left Hand, Colorado) Tasted like beer
Mother Ship Wit (New Belgium Brewing, Colorado) Tasted like beer

Plake:

Breast Milk (Breasts, Iowa) - Sweet and fatty, this drink is like a meal.

Plake was a very good boy throughout the event. He chilled out in his carrier, and made quite a few (slightly tipsy) friends. In case you are wondering, his drink came out of a bottle. Klake isn't into public displays of her boobs, unlike the 11-foot-tall Teutonic statue of a girl in a slutty version of traditional German dress who was wandering around the fest. Her butt peeked out from under the skirt. (Note to J.H. - Yes, this was awesome.)

Pine-Apple

2007-09-22T08:09:00.000-05:00

In this week's Randy the Cat comic, a party is almost ruined by the unexpected presence of a rectangle.

Speaking of Platonic forms, I just recently watched the Doctor Who serial "Meglos", wherein a dodecahedron is stolen by a villain who is a cactus. The plot was a bit haywire, and seemed to have a far more elaborate back story than appeared on screen. It's possible the cactus was stealing back his own dodecahedron, O.J. Simpson style.

A Drink with Jam and Bread

2007-09-18T11:40:00.000-05:00

I finally received a recent free shipping coupon from the English Tea Store (coupon code: Fall07, if you're interested), which means I'll be getting my grimy mits on some loose leaf Lapsang Souchong. My order includes:

Lapsang Souchong China black tea loose leaf 4oz (Pictured right - Smokey!)
Scottish Breakfast tea loose leaf 4oz (Sounds fun - described as "malty" and "robust")

And then, to get the order up to the $10 required for free shipping, I decided to experiment with a selection of various, British, flavored crisps:

Walker's Steak & Onion Potato Crisps (As vegetarian as McDonald's fries)
Walker's Roast Chicken Potato Crisps (Can't be any weirder than Chicken in a Biscuit, from right here in the U.S.A.)
Walker's Monster Munch Pickled Onion Potato Crisps (The item name says "potato", but the listing says "corn". Either way you look at it, it unmistakably says "pickled onion"!)
Walker's Prawn Cocktail Potato Crisps (From Wikipedia: "Prawns are distinguished from the superficially similar shrimp by the gill structure which is branching in prawns... but is lamellar in shrimp.")
Walker's Sensations Thai Sweet Chili Potato Crisps (Just pour on some flat lager with cigarette butts in it and you have Dave Lister's morning bowl of cereal.)

Yes, they do indeed have a large selection of potato chips with meat flavors in Britain. I may or may not get around to writing some reviews in this space in the future.

On a (tangentially) related note, my son will likely start trying out some solid foods here and there in the near future. Sweet Chili Potato Crisps are not on the menu, but I'll let you know if he wants to write an online review of "bland rice cereal sort of mushed into a generous portion of human breast milk". Little Plake is growing so much. He gives real hugs now!

Oocka-chacka-oocka-chacka

2007-09-14T22:08:00.000-05:00

Fair warning: this week's Randy the Cat obliquely implies the existence of butt sex.

Museum Day

2007-09-14T15:32:00.000-05:00

Saturday, Sept. 29 has been declared museum day, and many museums are offering free admission to visitors who print out a ticket from the Smithsonian website. Check it out, it includes the Mississippi River Museum in DBQ!

Museum Day

Mit Pommes oder Brot???

2007-09-10T12:46:00.001-05:00

I am currently eating peanut butter and jelly on this wonderful beer bread. This recipe is outstandingly easy to make, easy to customize, and can have the happy result of you eating a sandwich at work with subtle beer undertones.

(Post headline makes reference to this comic strip.)

Randy the Cat moves again

2007-09-07T12:49:00.000-05:00

Adorable hijinks and precocious swearing now on Blogspot
Mayor linked to homoerotic juggling organization: "I didn't do anything!"

Iowa, USA - Randy the Cat has packed up his belongings and moved to the coast -- the coast of Blogspotland, overlooking the Sea of Hilarious, that is! The long-beloved silly comic about a household pet who shits in a box, which has become as synonymous with America as stock car racing and the concept of a "petty God", has officially moved its internet presence to the fine weblog hosting services of Blogspot.com. Readers can now follow Randy's adventures at randythecat.blogspot.com, beginning with a new strip for Saturday, September 8, 2007 wherein a mouse tells a joke. The mouse is wearing a hat.

Snoopy

2007-09-06T10:25:00.000-05:00

Today's fun activity during downtime is reading old Peanuts comics from the 1960's.

I'm struck by how expressive Snoopy is. I think seeing too many snoopy t-shirts in my lifetime temporarily blinded me to just how dynamic and interesting he can be. Watch his legs when he walks: it's a still image but it looks a bit like he's actually moving.

Pan-Roasted Broccoli

2007-09-04T12:19:00.000-05:00

Last night for dinner I made this adaptation of a recipe seen on America's Test Kitchen (free registration required). Klake has never liked broccoli, but when we saw this being made she thought it looked delicious. I made certain substitutions to the original receipe - mainly due to not bothering to buy special ingredients I don't normally keep around the house. The secret to this dish's deliciousness comes from the star ingredient of most popular restaurants: fat! I'd seriously like to see how this dish compares with french fries.

-----------------------
Pan-Roasted Broccoli with Lemon Browned Butter
Serves 4 as a side dish

For Broccoli
3 tablespoons water
1/4 teaspoon table salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 3/4 pounds broccoli , florets cut into 1 1/2-inch pieces, stems trimmed, peeled, and cut on bias into 1/4-inch-thick slices about 1 1/2 inches long (about 5 cups florets and 3/4 cup stems)

For Sauce
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 1/2 tablespoons minced red onion
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (I would have loved to use 2 cloves fresh garlic, but had none on hand)
1/4 teaspoon table salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme leaves

1. For Broccoli: Stir water, salt, and pepper together in small bowl until salt dissolves; set aside. In 12-inch nonstick skillet with tight-fitting lid, heat oil over medium-high heat until just beginning to smoke. Add broccoli stems in even layer and cook, without stirring, until browned on bottoms, about 2 minutes. Add florets to skillet and toss to combine; cook, without stirring, until bottoms of florets just begin to brown, 1 to 2 minutes longer.

2. Add water mixture and cover skillet; cook until broccoli is bright green but still crisp, about 2 minutes. Uncover and continue to cook until water has evaporated, broccoli stems are tender, and florets are tender-crisp, about 2 minutes more. Transfer broccoli to medium bowl and set aside.

3. For Sauce: Melt butter in now-empty skillet over medium-high heat and continue to cook, swirling occasionally, until butter is browned and releases nutty aroma, about 1 1/2 minutes. Off heat, add onion, garlic, salt, and pepper, and stir until fragrant, about 1 minute. Stir in lemon juice and thyme. Add broccoli to skillet, toss to coat with browned butter, and serve immediately.
-----------------------

The main difference from our version is that on Test Kitchen they used shallots instead of onion. They also used fresh thyme and garlic.

We served this with a nice, lean piece of breaded tilapia. On the show, they served it with Chicken Kiev, which is a chicken breast wrapped around a big hunk of butter. The only meal with more fat that I can imagine would have to include a steak cut from a butter-sculpture cow.

[untitled secret track]

2007-08-30T14:52:00.000-05:00

Plake = 15 weeks old

2007-08-25T21:02:00.001-05:00

Plake will be 15 weeks old on Monday, and he is growing quite big. We took the time to take some pictures this morning, and here are the results of our efforts. These photos don't reflect the true frequency of his smiles, he generally has a big dopey grin. However, his smiles are usually accompanied by full body failing, which creates some very blurry portraits for people who refuse to use the flash. I would also like to apologize for how he looks like a Gap ad. He can't help it that his parents dress him like that.

Plake has discovered rolling onto his side. This keeps the pinned hand in his mouth with less effort, and allows his shirt to stay dry when he spits up.

He is watching his dad do "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and contemplating spitting up.

He is watching his dad do "Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes" and thinking about spitting up.

Poor devil thinks he's in Depeche Mode.

Now he seems to think he's in Wham.

Having soaked one shirt, Plake prepares to take on the next contender.

Plake Recuperation

2007-08-24T16:16:00.000-05:00

I spent Wednesday and Thursday home from work taking care of my baby, who was sent home from daycare in the care of my wife on Tuesday with a fever associated with the sniffles. Poor, little Plake really was quite unhappy to have the sniffles combined with fever. He'd been a bit grumpier than usual over the weekend, too. He wasn't his usual, sweet self. A doctor visit on Wednesday morning confirmed a very mild fever and ruled out ear infection, so the little guy just had a bad cold. By Thursday morning the fever was gone, and he did a lot of sleeping and eating that day, waking up in between to play and giggle like the disarming little fellow Klake and I have come to know these last three months.

It's nice that all the fortitude we had to muster to spend our time with a fussy, sick baby paid off in the form of adorable smiles and fun interactions with Plake. He is so very interested and curious. Klake taught him "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" last night and he thinks it is hilarious.

Plake-o

2007-08-19T19:45:00.000-05:00

It's time I wrote another post on the ol' blog, updating everyone on the status of our little baby, Plake. First of all, boy has he grown! That boy is three whole months of big, boy, kid. He looks around, gibbers and jabbers, grabs things with his little grabbin' hands, puts things in his mouth, and has formed genuine, real, big-boy opinions of things in his world - such as: "I hate tummy time!" and "Mommy and Daddy are the coolest people on the planet, hands down! It is not even close!"

Klake is currently playing some burpcloth peek-a-boo in an effort to get him to stop griping about being tired. But of course he's tired; it's getting close to bedtime. We have a fairly successful bedtime routine in place, with the three B's that form the foundation of most bedtime routines: bath, book, bed. Also, there's the last feeding as well, so it's bath, book, boob, bed.

Well, I had best be off to prepare a bath for Mister Plake. Tonight we hope to delve into the deeper subtext of The Pokey Little Puppy.

Of Tea and Technology

2007-08-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

I was seeking cheaper trade routes for acquiring my tea on the ole Internet, when I saw this customer review on Amazon for Bigelow Earl Grey Tea:

I love this tea so much! It makes me feel just like Captain Picard when I drink it. I like Captain Picard. I want to be just like him (except not bald because that's kinda not cool). Anyway, I like to heat up this tea in my microwave oven, and I say to it "Tea, Earl Grey, hot" and it's just like I'm talking to the replicator on the Enterprise! It even beeps! It's so cool. It makes me feel like I'm really in Star Trek. The only problem is that I can't talk as cool as Captain Picard so I sound kinda dumb when I say it. But I still do. When I buy this tea from the store, I like to ask the clerk to get me "Tea, Earl Grey, Bigelow". I think that's pretty funny. I make sure to use the English accent because if I didn't it wouldn't be right. Then I sit in front of the TV, and say "engage" as I press the button on my remote! I LOVE this tea!

I certainly hope this person was being sarcastic. I'm imagining some guy driving to the grocery store in his Dodge Neon - on which he has installed a homemade "deflector dish" made of cardboard and tinfoil. He approaches the counter to check out with a box of "just like Picard" Earl Grey and a loaf of whichever bread he imagines Scotty would most likely approve of, and makes futuristic sound effects when he slides his card to pay.

Update, 15 August 2007: I added a link to the Amazon review, for those who may not believe this is real, or those who wish to click the button to let Amazon know that this review was helpful to them.

Also, Klake is very happy for this person, who enjoys his tea and his imaginary Star Trek universe.

Additionally, this causes me to wonder: for every misguided kid trying to emulate those crude and self-destructive fellows on the show Jackass, how many similarly-impressionable people are instead modelling themselves after Jean-Luc Picard, in every way a gentleman and an amazingly capable leader?

It is true!

2007-08-05T09:16:00.001-05:00

EFF 1-50

2007-08-04T10:43:00.000-05:00

After an unannounced month off, Randy the Cat returns with this strip-format humor-drawing. Also, thank you to Aeryk and Kate for the stylish Randy the Cat onesie. I know it will give me great pride and amusement to clothe my infant with an image of Randy walkin' in his winter underpants.

Start Wreckin'

2007-08-03T12:26:00.000-05:00

You may be happy to learn - as I was when Klake sent me a link to this post on the Scientific American blog - that remastered episodes of the original Star Trek series are being syndicated nationwide. Around here, they're being run on the local Fox affiliate at midnight on Sunday nights/Monday mornings, and they may be running at similar late-nite, weekend time slots in your neck of the woods.

"Remastered," you may ask, "what for you remaster my Star Trek show?" Well, I'm not sure exactly why, aside from because they can. I'm sure part of it is in order to make the series more saleable for nationalwide syndication, as modern viewers' patience for cheesy special effects has waned. I'm partial to the way things looked originally, and I don't like the idea of people messing around with the visual style of something once it has already been widely viewed and become well-loved by fans. (Think of the swarms of flying robots and other debris cluttering up the frame in the exterior Mos Eisley scenes in the "remastered" version of Star Wars. Yes, George Lucas, just because I loved your original Star Wars* films doesn't mean I was in any way attached to the look or feel or pacing of the thing.) But the SciAm blogger paints a pretty optimistic picture of the endeavor, and it sounds like the team working on this project is conscious of the importance of not getting carried away. My wife and I are really looking forward to watching these.

In a somewhat related bit of interesting whatever, while doing a completely unrelated web search on the University of Iowa's website, I came across this scan of the cover of a program for what is purported to be the first ever Star Trek convention. It turns out that the Special Collections Department of the University of Iowa Libraries houses the M. Horvat Collection of Science Fiction Fanzines. It is fascinating that this exists, preserving what nerds with mimeograph machines were up to from 1935 through 1990.

==========================

In other news, Klake and I watched the "School Reunion" episode of the new Doctor Who series and enjoyed it greatly. It was so good, it's odd to think it occurs just a few episodes after the shitbomb that is "New Earth". Highlights:

K-9 returns for one episode!
Also, a reunion with Sarah Jane Smith, which I would be more enthused about if I was at all famillar with her period of Doctor Who companion-dom in the 70's.
That watcher guy from Buffy as the evil headmaster.
The Doctor says "Correct-a-mundo!" and then immediately regrets it.
Mickey figures out that his role in the current Doctor Who universe is analogous to that of K-9, "I'm the tin dog!" Mickey, however, doesn't have a frickin' laser beam attached to his head.
K-9 says "affirmative" with a bit too much inflection for a robot. Would a robot consciously play the word "affirmative" for laughs.

Also, a new website called Galaxy Zoo allows you to help British scientists classify galaxies. Much like Seti at Home, except Seti took advantage of your computer's downtime, whereas Galaxy Zoo exploits the unused processing power of your own, organic brain.

*The original version of this post mixed up Star Trek and Star Wars in this sentence. This was fixed by Clake on 7 August 2007. (Thanks for keeping me honest, Aeryk.)

Well, were you watching for the changes???

2007-08-03T08:49:00.000-05:00

"Alright, this is a blues riff in B, watch me for the changes and, uh, try and keep up."

I like to say this when I'm around a bunch of guys who are all holding musical instruments. It conceals the fact that I know nothing about music. Sometimes they actually call me on it and start playing a blues riff in B. I then cover up my ineptitude at singing by blaming them for not watching me for the changes.

"I cannot sing with a band that will not at least try and keep up."

Clake and Plake

2007-07-29T21:45:00.001-05:00

For more pics check out clakeklake.shutterfly.com

General Update Info for Hard-Core ClakeKlake Fans

2007-07-27T15:07:00.000-05:00

In case you're wondering what we've been up to, here's just a bit of it:

The last time Klake and I visited my parents and they got to see their adorable grandson, Plake, they sent me home with several kohlrabies grown in their own garden. According to the fallible yet ubiquitous Wikipeida, the name means literally "cabbageturnip" in German, the language of my poor, farming ancestors. This name describes the vegetable better than anything further I could write about it. It tastes like a cabbage, is shaped like a turnip, and is terrible for your breath. Yesterday, I cut these kohlrabies up and put them in a plastic bag to eat at work today, and now as I crunch them I hope that no one tries to speak with me too closely for at least an hour or so.
We attended one wedding a couple of weekends ago, and have another one on the way this weekend. Love is in the air, ladies and gentlemen.
A week before the previous wedding, I enjoyed a bachelor party/canoe trip with several other friends of the groom. I will only say that it was a fun time, but it also resulted in new rules for myself regarding drinking. I write no further on the subject, hoping any details will be lost to history. Actually, one other detail that is mentionable is that I am told that I frequently slurred to everyone who would listen about how proud I am of my son. It's true: I am.
I'm getting back into reading fiction. I'm currently working on The Satanic Verses, which is neither satanic nor written in verse. From all the news coverage of the book when I was a kid, I kind of thought it was a devotional text for Satan worshippers. That's the only way I could understand it justifying the kind of controversy that surrounded it. Much later, I learned that it was a novel, and realized that not all controversy is justified. It is a novel story book about fictional characters, people! Coming up next, I'm planning to read a bit of Terry Pratchett. I listened to Small Gods as an audiobook when I used to have a long commute, and was impressed and amused. I think there's going to be a parade of sci-fi/fantasy across my reading list for a while, with occasional breaks for non-fiction. Once again, the list of current and recent reading will be at the bottom of this page, for the curious. I am open to your suggestions.
Nerdy-ass Doctor Who update: On the classic series front, I'm halfway through Nightmare of Eden and liking it so far. The Doctor uncovers some drug-smuggling shenanigans, two ships get stuck together after a hyperspace collision, and a guy in a big, rubbery monster costume is killing people. Regarding our progress through the new series, we recently saw Tooth and Claw, which was a bit scary for Klake but nonetheless enjoyable. Up next is School Reunion, which includes a guest appearance by that old, reliable Doctor Who help-meet, K-9! I'm pretty psyched about that.

Here's hoping all the best for you on this Friday night.

Butterfly in the Skyyyyyy

2007-07-25T14:11:00.000-05:00

For a while, our previous blog had (among about a thousand other things in the sidebar) a list that included the book I was currently reading, as well as several previous books. This disappeared when we went to the simpler format. Now, if you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you'll see that I've brought this feature back using a feed from my del.icio.us account. This makes such a thing a lot easier to update without mucking about in the template. I hope that this provides another helpful bit of information to my friends, without marring the simplicity of the site.

By all means, if you see a book you've read on this list, feel free to drop me a line to discuss it. Suggestions are welcome, as well. The links will go to the wikipedia entries for the listed books. If I mention a certain book in the blog, I'll change the link to take you to the blog post, with a parenthetical note indicating it has been "blogged" or something of that nature.

I'm currently starting The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie. Are you brave enough to read the DaVinci Code of the Islamic world? Are you tough enough to open a book that brought down a fatwah upon a guy's head? Actually, my impression so far is that all the controversey over the book is a big overreaction. Up to this point, the book seems to be a magical-realist farce about an Indian film star.

Not that I would ever imply that religious fundamentalists would overreact to something.

Baby Plake update

2007-07-23T21:41:00.000-05:00

What has Baby Plake been up to lately? Well in addition to tons of eating, sleeping, and pooping he has:

Chewed on his father,

Sat in his highchair like a big boy,

Taken some baths with his rubber duckie,

Practiced his vowels,

And stopped smiling as soon as his mom got out the camera.

Sour Milk

2007-07-18T13:30:00.000-05:00

I thought it should be noted for posterity that I bought a small carton of milk for lunch today that turned out to have been improperly sealed, resulting in a spoiled beverage. I discovered that the reason it's called "sour milk" is that it is, in fact, very sour in taste. There was no doubt as to the milk's freshness. It was definately rancid tasting. I had to run to the nearest garbage can and spew the vile liquid into the trash, then I went back to the vendor from which I purchased it and got myself a new carton, which I carefully inspected. My lunch companions felt, rightfully, that the whole situation was quite amusing.

Three Shots, and Some Goo

2007-07-16T21:10:00.000-05:00

Today we took Plake to the pediatrician (will I ever be able to say or write that word without first thinking 'vet'?) to get his 2-month exam and vaccinations. He despised the examination and hated the shots terribly, screaming throughout their duration. He also didn't much like the weird goo that was the oral rotavirus inoculation. However, thought of in terms of total time spend being happy vs. being utterly horrified, the visit was an overall good time. Getting weighed was no problem for him, and during the less invasive exam by a nurse he was in good spirits. While waiting for the doctor, he got to lie on an exam table and have daddy play with this fingers and toes, much to his baby-delight.

Here are some Baby Plake stats, for those keeping track:

Height: 23"
Weight: 12 lbs. 9 oz.
Head circumference: 15.35"
Special power: Fireball
Zodiac sign: A frog riding a bicycle
Hobbies: Farting in the bath

Lookin' Tough

2007-07-12T10:42:00.000-05:00

"Cool mohawk, dude."
"It's a mane."

'N Ice Day

2007-07-06T16:02:00.000-05:00

Klake found out how to make cold-brewed iced coffee from this recipe published in the NY Times. Cold-brewing is quite easy and can be done with a mason jar, a strainer, and a coffee filter. (It tells you to run the brewed coffee through a filter twice, but I find that once through a mesh strainer and then once through a filter works just fine.) The resulting brew is so wonderfully tasty, enjoyable, and smooth! I like mine with just a splash of skim milk and no further sweetening. This is what I'm going to be drinking in the morning from now until mid-autumn's crisp air and painted foliage turn a gentleman's a.m. thoughts toward toastier tipples.

Here's a link to the accompanying article as well.

He's got crabs!

2007-07-05T14:52:00.000-05:00

According to this Wired news brief, what is now known as the Crab Nebula originated in a supernova that was first observed in the Earth year 1054 C.E.

Ideas like that just blow me away. Anything that provides a hint of how vast and awesome the cosmos is, I eat it up like bread and butter. The ideal toy for me would be a little box with a crank on the side, which you turn until a little puppet scientist pops out and in a British accent shouts "The Universe!"

Happy forth!

2007-07-04T18:53:00.000-05:00

Randeeeeeeee!

2007-07-03T13:57:00.000-05:00

Two new Randy the Cat comics have gone up since last I bloggered you:

Currently, we have this one.

Last week saw this little jewel of one-panel yuk-yukdom.

"You just made it up to sound cool"

2007-06-28T16:37:00.001-05:00

According to the CDC, the leading causes of death in 2003 were:

Diseases of heart (heart disease)
Malignant neoplasms (cancer)
Cerebrovascular diseases (stroke)
Chronic lower respiratory diseases (CLRD)
Accidents (unintentional injuries)
Diabetes mellitus (diabetes)
Influenza and pneumonia
Alzheimer’s disease
Nephritis, nephritic syndrome and nephrosis (kidney disease)
Septimicia

I came across this while doing some work-related internet research. My question is, what is septimicia? I googled it, and the search results mostly consisted of people citing this exact list from the CDC. There's nothing on Google Scholar, so I'm thinking whatever it is, medical science never, ever calls it by the name "septimicia". Is it that thing you get when your appendix explodes, spreading infection throughout your abdominal cavity? That is my guess. Anyone who can help out with some real facts, please comment.

Another possibility, it's a word for when a boisterous Italian dude wants to describe something as septic, but in a good way: "Eh! That's septimicia!" (Kisses tips of fingers in a gesture of approval)

Pictures of Plake

2007-06-19T14:51:00.000-05:00

Randy

2007-06-16T23:45:00.001-05:00

The new Randy the Cat comic has an interesting fact to share.

Last week's Randy the Cat is all about babies.

SewTube

2007-06-15T14:57:00.000-05:00

Next week will be Klake's last week of full-time maternity leave. After that, there will be a week-and-a-half of the two of us both working half-time and switching off baby care at midday. Then, following the July 4th holiday, Plake gets plunked into playtime in the daytime. It's hard to see him go so soon, but we believe we found a good place that will help him continue to grow and adapt to the world of sense experience and human interaction to which we all must adjust. It's great that he'll get to see other kids and adults from such an early age, really. It might prevent the slower development of competent social skills evident in the childhoods of Klake and especially myself. I don't recall making a lot of "eye contact" with "other people" as a little tyke, though the memory may exaggerate a bit.

In other current affairs, the sewer backed up into our basement yesterday. It could have been much worse. We were very fortunate that:

The neighbor in one of the adjoining townhomes was home, noticed the problem early on, and called a plumber right away.
My wife was at home on maternity leave, and this neighbor let her know what was going on.
The flooding in our basement was minimal, flowing over the furnace room floor and soaking a relatively small area of carpet before the blockage in the line was repaired. No insulation or drywall was wet at all.
We called a cleaning company and got them to come out on the same day to begin the drying/disinfecting process as soon as possible.

So now, Klake waits at home with baby Plake for a cleaning company dude to come out, remove the drying equipment, and hopefully also get the carpet cleaned so that the whole process is complete before the weekend. At least I hope that's how it goes. I imagine it's possible they'll have to come out another time to do the cleaning.

The constant hum of huge air moving/dehumidifying equipment from the basement is adding to Klake's already growing sensation of being bored as hell with stay-at-home-mom-dom. She adores Plake, and is kind of happy to have time off work to take care of him, but neither of us is the kind of person who is accustomed to spending entire days stuck in the house, and waiting around for the cleaners just adds an extra level of trapped-in-your-home to the equation.

Moving on to the news you are on the edge of your seat waiting for: What is Clake doing on the internet lately? How about this sweet-ass poo, my friends: chime.tv. Now, near as I can figgur, this here site aggregates content from a number of major video hosting sites (most of which I had never heard of before) and makes it easy to create playlists, and watch continuously without all the clicka clika. In fact, the service currently has twenty "channels", or ever-growing playlists of videos hand-picked by someone or other (so they aren't just the random results of search strings). The indie music video channel is definately worth taking a look at. I haven't watched the documentary channel at all, but that seems like a winner as well.

This, of course, serves to answer the question of why I don't get cable: There is a ton of good, free content out there that I already don't have time to watch. Between that, over-the-air TV (Allow me to take this moment to mention Doctor Who on public TV again), and our minimal subscription to the fine services of the Netflix company, why do I need more?

Oh, and I'm thinking of upgrading the RAM on my laptop - any suggestions? The current plan is to wait for the official, Dell-manufactured 2gig upgrade kit to go on sale on their website and then drop 250 smakers on it POW! It's more pricey than going with off-brand hardware from ebay or something, but the whole point of this upgrade is to make my computer last as long as possible before it becomes necessary to buy a whole new one, so I'd like to be able to ensure the quality and durability of the chips I'm adding.

How to Get an Awesome MP3 Ringtone on Your Phone

2007-06-08T22:47:00.000-05:00

These instructions provide a pretty good rundown on how to get an mp3 ringtone onto your phone without spending the stupid money they want for ringtones. At least, it's about all I needed to know in order to do this with my new LG Chocolate. All that remains is to head to this Wikipedia page to find the most perfect ringtone ever to play on a telephone. Kick ass, muther-bitches! (You'll need to convert the file from ogg to mp3. I do recommend, if you are at all computer-familiar, that you import it into an audio editing program and cut it down so there is only one measure of baseline before the melody proper kicks in.)